May 2009
Recession is for the birds too!
That's what I was going to title the blog entry where I was going to whine about the ridiculous amount of food the birds are eating from my feeder in the backyard. (That seems like a long sentence.) Seriously, they consume about one of these full every three days! (It holds about 6 litres of seeds. I know that, because I use an old diet pepsi bottle as a funnel hehe.)
But I did what I do best, I procrastinated. And now it's too late. If only I had written about how bird food was going to be rationed, maybe some birdie would have read it, spread the news, and that this unfortunate incident would perhaps not have happened.
How the hell did he get in there?? The poor thing must have tried so hard to reach for the food that he somehow squeezed in one of hte little holes at the bottom!! Crazy!! This is a crappy picture but it's raining and the poor thing was clearly distressed, so I only took a fast one! (And felt a little guilty about it hehe.) I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to get it out, because the only part that comes off this thing is a one inch cap on top! Fortunately Brian arrived all of a sudden, as I was going out to try to rescue it. He twisted the cap off while I ran away screaming like a little girl, afraid that the bird would somehow be angry at me for accidentally capturing him in the bird feeder! This is the first time this happens in the 4 years that I've had this feeder, so hopefully it won't happen again!
And here is a picture of a pretty ladybug? on my deck.
I won't cry. Of course I won't cry.
*deep breath*. I won't cry. Of course I won't cry, I'm so over this baby obsession these days. In fact, I honnestly feel like I might finally be starting to tip towards the "child-free not by choice but happy about it" side. Who needs barf-fests, poop-fests, sticky messes, and 5am weekends? Not ME! Pfft not me. I will be totally happy being child-free. But, I'm going to calmly talk to my doctor about fertility testing.... I won't cry. I'm so blase about all this.
Doc "So, what can I do for you today?"
Me "Well, two things. First, I need a refill for Synthroid and Metformin. I could swear that I had dropped a new prescription not long ago, but they're saying that my prescription is expired. pfft."
Doc *checks* "Hmm, yep, I wrote that prescription in May of last year.
Me *blush* "Woops. The other thing, well... I was wondering if it would be possible... to find out if I can... get pregnant."
Doc "Do you want to get pregnant?"
Me "Yes, we've been trying for 8 years!" *Bawl eyes out*
Hmm... that didn't quite go according to the scenario in my head. She had to hand over the kleenex box, and I kept crying too much to talk. Ugh embarrassing. I was also very much anticipating her to tell me that I'm too fat to think about getting pregnant now. That scenario also played differently in real life: She told me that of course with every overweight pregnancy, there are more risks, but that I have made excellent progress weight loss-wise, even though I've regained some back, she can see that I won't give up. And that since we've been trying/not preventing for so long, it's time to refer me to the ob/gyn, and start by doing all the testing covered by medicare. Wow.
Our first fertility test is in 2 weeks! Well Steph's, since it's the easiest thing to check first. Wow. I told her that when I was 15 years old the endocrinologist had told me that I would never have kids because I was too fat. She said that he was known to say stuff like that to scare people straight. I wonder if he scared me infertile. I wonder if having the approval and help of my doctor is going to help things. When it came up and I told her that mycycle.com is predicting my ovulation for today, she said be sure to go go go! *pounds left fist in right hand*.
I can't believe it... I've finally earned the right, by being a little less lardy, to receive fertility testing/help!
I was still crying by the time I got home. Why can't I be at least a little bit rational about this? Even if I convince my head, I can never convince my heart!
Summer Questions
1. Any vacations planned this summer, if so when/where?
*** Nothing planned... (Still dreaming of Vegas, but it's impossible.)
2. Any home improvement/landscaping projects planned for this summer, if so what?
*** Nope.. just maintenance of the yard, and minor inside maintenance.
3. Did you purchase flowers to plant yet? Or is that not your thing?
*** I did! I couldn't tell you what they're called... I love flowers in my yard but not enough to learn their names hehe.
4. Do you plan on hitting the beach this summer?
*** Definitely! This summer I'm going to go to the beach alone if I can't find any willing beach bum.
5. Have you got any new summer wardrobe items? If so what?
*** I bought 2-3 summery tops, I swear all I had left that fit were big sweaters.
6. Flip flops or wedges?
*** Neither.
7. Do you tan or burn?
*** I burn easily
8. Any good summer reads you care to share?
*** Right now I'm reading "Naturally Skinny, by Bethenny Frankel (One of the Real Housewives of NYC)... and I think some of it is ridiculous!
9. Favorite summer beverage (alcohoic or non)
*** Wine, Smirnoff Ice, Water
10. Do you enjoy any summer sports or activites, if so what?
*** Hiking in nature trails
11. Any goals your working towards this summer?
*** Paying debt, making a baby, losing weight
12. Favorite summertime food?
*** Anything on the BBQ!
13. Favorite summertime fruit?
*** Fresh berries : Strawberries, Blueberries, Raspberries & Blackberries
14. Favorite summertime song/music?
*** Not really... I have a song that reminds me of almost every summer in the past since I was a teen... so it kind of changes every year.
15. Plans for any summer lovin' ;-) ??
*** Oh yes, see # 11
Summertime, and the livin' is easy...
One of these mornings
You're going to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take to the sky
I love Summertime, the season and the song too. (If you're into the song too, check out this fantastic instrumental version. I'm listening to it right now.)
So you know how I've had the worst case of the winter blues this year? It seems to get worse every year in fact, I should definitely look into options to lessen it next winter. I can't be depressed 6 months a year! Beautiful warm sunny days have finally arrived, and I'm just driving my husband nuts, exclaiming every 5 minutes "Isn't it SO nice out?", while driving to and from work. Summer is starting, even though it won't be official until a month from now, but I don't care. It was 30 degrees yesterday (86F) and I call that summer! That's about as warm as it gets here, which is plenty hot!
But I'm still craving it. It's not enough! I wish I knew exactly what I want/need to satisfy my summer craving. It's hard to explain this jumble in my head, but I'm craving endless summer days. I'm craving days on the beach, lounging on the deck reading a good book, good BBQs/Bonfires with friends, sitting in front of the a/c unit to escape the heat... Seeing a Coke commercial where the people in it are dying of heat, and sympathizing with them...
It seems that for years now, probably as long as I've been at this job? Which will be 7 years this summer... I don't remember what it's like to anticipate sunsets and the fresh after-supper summer breezes. To be so completely untied to a schedule, that you watch Days of our Lives and actually don't feel guilty at all about it. I used to absolutely hate having to get in a car that's been sitting in the sun all day; Pure torture! These days, after sitting in my freezer box of an office for 8 hours, I actually look forward to sitting in my boiling hot black car, and thawing my bones and organs.
I'm an adult now, a real one. I will be turning 30 this summer, I can't deny it anymore! I have a job, responsibilities, two dogs who depend on me, a husband who works nearly every waking hour, leaving me overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that needs to be done around the house and knowing that if I don't do it, no one will. Parents to worry about and help out in any way I can. A brother and his family to worry about and help out constantly. etc etc. How do I let go? How do I put all my worries aside for a whole day and worry about nothing but soaking up summer?
If I had camping gear, I would seriously consider asking Steph to drop me off in some beach camping for a week, since we only have one car and he needs it to work and to get back home to work some more. But that's highly unrealistic. Maybe I'm feeling this summer deprived because last year was so busy with the Smartest Loser stuff, we worked out outside, but I was always on someone elses schedule. I told myself that I could enjoy summer this year. But winter was so long and hard!
How do I make my brain switch from "Fck it's already 11pm... to Wow, it's only 11am!?" I mean, time goes by at the same rate now than it did when I was a kid.... why can't I turn my brain off for a few hours and be bored and find the time long? I think that's really what I'm craving - To find time long. To make it slow down and enjoy every minute of a day.
Crazy 8's
8 Things I am Looking Forward To:
1. The Long Weekend baby!! Countdown : 8 hours!
2. Celebrations : 6th wedding anniversary on June 28th, Turning 30 on August 13, Canada Day fireworks etc.
3. Lunch with Sylvie, Nicole, Shelley and Lisa at Mexi's today!
4. The day that I get down to where I was, weight-wise, last summer. sigh.
5. Summer Concerts/Beach Days/Hikes/Time off - Summer in general
6. Seriously... I just posted this and then realized I forgot to come back to finish this section... I have a hard time with this. When I have a crisis, the theme is often " I NEED something to look forward to!" and that thing is almost always a trip. When I'm looking forward to a trip, my whole world feels right again.
7. N/A
8. N/A
8 Things I did Yesterday:
1. Worked
2. Attended the crazy H&M opening
3. Watched The Office and Grey's Anatomy finales
4. Made Love
5. Continued reading my current book - Cover the butter
6. Emailed with my best friends during work hours
7. Played bejeweled blitz in Facebook - Addictive!
8. Went to re-arrange the patio set chairs a zillion times -Crazy wind!
8 Things I Wish I could Do:
1. Become a mommy
2. Get to goal weight, without struggling this much
3. Go to Las Vegas for my 30th Birthday (I'm still dreaming..)
4. Go to New York again this year. I can't get enough. When I grow up, I want to be a nomad.
7. Run
8. Go back to school.
8 Shows I watch
1. The Biggest Loser
2. Lost
3. The Office
4. Desperate Housewives
5. Weeds
6. The Real Housewives of Orange County & New York City *blush*
7. Grey's Anatomy
8. Medium
Just not in a blogging mood.
I'm not in an iVillage mood either, so I don't know what compelled me to answer this 'update' post on the LL.. maybe because it's easier to just answer questions... So here are my second hand answers :
1. What's going on in your professional life? How are you liking your job/school? What's new, what's good what's bad, what's the story?
Recession. I hate that word. I never thought it would really affect our government office. My contract is up in a month, and I'm stressing about it. BUT my boss has told me that he's working on my contract extension, so I can't see him changing his mind now... But I won't relax until I've signed it. I'm still in shock, 2 days ago my coworker J was let go. She has been at the office the longuest. I started there a year after her, and everyone else else started after me. It's going to feel SO so weird without her there. (More about this in a secret post sometime soon.)
2. What's going on with your romantic life and or family if you're married and/or have kids? If you're married, how are you and your husband getting along? What's up with him and his life? If you have kids, how are they doing? If you're in a relationship, how's that going? If you're dating, tell us about it!!
Stephane and I have ups and downs like everyone else, but overall we're doing pretty amazing. Our downs are mostly due to his ridiculous workload and overtime, and my feeling like I need more help around the house. But he tries.. and I guess I am demanding sometimes LOL. We love each other though, so we can work through the downs. Still no kids... I'm thinking of bringing it up at my doctor's appointment on the 25th.. and if she tells me again that I'm still too fat, I might look for another doctor. I'm turning 30 this year, and we have been not preventing/trying for 8 YEARS! If it's a complete impossibility, I would rather know now than be disappointed over and over. and over.
3. What's going on with your family of origin (parents, siblings, etc) and/or extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc)? Are you close to them? Getting along with them? Feel free to share about in-laws if there's anything going on there.
My mother saw the oncologist for her results on May 7th, and she got the greatest news she could possibly get : Her cancer is dormant. She doesn't need any chemo or other treatments right now. They are going to monitor it closely and 'leave it alone' for now. It's like a second chance. She's taking it seriously and has started trying to lose weight and eat right. She called me tonight asking for nutrition advice, and got annoyed with me when she was arguing with me that "Special K" are not a processed food. When is the last time you saw a Special K field? I really really hope that she keeps at it and realizes how much nutrition affects our health. I'm soooo not ready to lose her. My father, still trucking. I can't wait for him to be able to retire, he constantly looks sooo tired, I worry about him. Steph's parents bought an RV and he's going to join her in retirement next month (unless he changes his mind again) and they're going to go across Canada, and come back across the US. Lucky!!
4. What's going on with your social life? How are you getting along with your friends? Any news on that front you want to share?
Maybe it's because of what I said earlier about feeling like I have a lot of household responsibilities on my shoulders since Steph is working day and night (literally sometimes), but I feel like I don't have nearly enough time to spend with my friends. But then again I feel like most of the time I feel too overwhelmed to start anything, like right now, watching the Grey's Anatomy finale instead of doing stuff that needs to be done around the house. This coming long weekend, I am forcing myself to make a list and cross everything off : Special/Big garbage pick up is next week, the new lawn mower needs to be put together, the lawn needs to be mowed, laundry, cleaning, pant hemming, books to read.. err.. oops.
May 7 - The Day of Second Chances
May 7, 2008 - The first day of our Smartest Loser adventure.
May 7, 2009 - The day my mom received the greatest news from her oncologist: Her lymphatic cancer is dormant, therefore she doesn't require any chemo or chemo pills, or any treatment. For now. As long as it's dormant, they will leave it alone. She has to go back in 6 months to get retested. It is the greatest news she could have had!
May 7, 2010 - Something great, I just know it :)