...the child that I can't have.
I have no idea why, I just saw this on a blog, I really really want to buy it for the child that I can't have, for some reason. So much so that it makes me cry.
I thought I was over this?
September 2010
Soulful Spring & Summer 2010!
See that last menu category up there? It's time to change it to Fall/Winter 2010! On paper, Spring/Summer 2010 looks like it was an epic failure. It really wasn't, it's just not reflected in my little list.
Here's what I wanted to do this spring/summer:
**** The things that have been done are BOLD!
* Make the yard pretty again, and ENJOY it!
* Have a pitcher of Sangria on a patio with friends
* Have a picnic in a park
* Go to the farmer's market on a Saturday morning
* Walk from the St-Anselme Church to the Chateau Moncton on the trail
* Go for breakfast and yard sales once
* Go to the beach 3 times
* Visit the Bouctouche Dunes
* Go see 3 live bands
* Eat 5 meals on our back deck
Yep, there is NOTHING in bold! I didn't do ONE thing off that list. But I did go to the beach twice, and really I could bend the rules and bold the beach one because we went to two beaches in one day on my Birthday hehe.
Here are the highlights of what really happened this spring/summer:
* Got offered a great job, and I accepted.
* Started getting hang of new job.
* Started liking my job and knowing my coworkers.
* Completely fell in love with my job and my amazing coworkers.
* Had an awesome birthday last month, turned 31.
* Became closer to two awesome women that I now consider good friends.
In my opinion, a very fulfilling spring/summer, even if it was mostly consumed by my new job. I really feel like this is finally the start of my career. Finally!! It's so so so huge for me. Huge! And for the first time in my life, someone thinks that I'm important enough to let me have my very own business cards. They're so pretty! I secretly love them and I'm so proud to have them. Oh and I'm really proud of myself for finally having started contributing into a pension plan!
However, as you may have noticed, I've been pretty silent for the past three weeks. I have been really 'blah'. A bunch of bad crap happened, and I had a hard time feeling like my happy self, and now I now why: Another round of The Period From Hell started on Friday, while I was on Prince Edward Island for 3 days. It had been a while. I know what triggered it too, my recent excellent nutrition effort. I don't really feel like talking about the bad stuff, because I think I'm finally starting to feel more like myself again. I'm ready to get over cancelled trips, credit card fraud, family drama, deaths in the family, etc.
Fall has always been a season of new beginnings for me. I'm going to make this one a great fall, re-energize myself, so that I can make it through our long dreary winters. I'm considering going down south again mid-winter, I feel like it helped me avoid my annual winter slump this year. I've been a bouncing ball of positivity most of this year really. I think that taking a winter break is a good investment.
PS - You read that right, I did not have Sangria ONCE this summer! Is it too late?
Oh and my new bedding
I guess I'm in a decorating mood. Fall has always been a season of new beginnings for me. I think it stems from years of going back to school. I also did a lot of cleaning in the basement lately. Out with the old, in with the new! (PS - No, I'm not off on a spending spree, I ordered this bed in a bag off Ebay and it was 58$ for the 7 pieces (Comforter, 2 Shams, Neck Roll, Bolster, Decorative Pillows, Bed skirt)
Here's the Ebay picture:
Notice the gold colour on the far right? That's the current colour in my bedroom. This is the colour I'm thinking of painting my bedroom walls. (This was a super quick photoshopping test... I want to paint dark gray/charcoal/silvery.)
I haven't ordered the curtains... yet... I'm still debating. What do you think? Those curtains, or shiny black curtains?
PS - Sophie got me in the mood for bedding buying. I always look online for bedding every few months, but I never fall in like with anything, until now! And also, my new used couch? Got it from Ms. Sophie hehe.
My new used couch
This are before pictures, to give you an idea. Waaay before, the most recent pictures I had of my living room are from Christmas.
Notice the wood coloured grandfather clock with stockings hanging off of it at the far left. The pee couch against the window. The old rocking chair.
The infamous pee couch
The new used couch! Doesn't it make a HUGE difference? My living room feels so much cozier!
I painted the corner hutch white, I painted the grandfather clock white, and I'm considering painting a white square around that painting. To highlight it, to make every white element tie together... what do you think?
Light bulb moment at the hair salon
You just never know when and where you're going to have an Ah-Ha moment. I had a big one tonight in my stylist's chair. I quite like my hair stylist; I would actually hang out with her outside of the salon. We have a lot of the same interests, values and views on life. She goes Salsa dancing every Saturday night at Bogart's, and she told me once that I should go too. I hope that I have the confidence to go too someday.
The two hours that it takes to highlight and cut my hair are spent talking our heads off, even though we hear about each other daily on Facebook. We just never run out of stuff to talk and laugh about. Tonight we were talking about summer, then friendships, family, and love. I was telling Michelle that I suck as a friend. She made a face and said "What do you mean, you're really friendly with me, we talk all the time!" It's not that, it's that I suck at replying to emails and conversations, keeping in touch regularly, sending birthday cards... that kind of stuff. Oh and most of all, I suck at comforting sad people. I can make them laugh, but saying apropriate, comforting things? I suck at that.
A few years ago, I admitted to myself that I suck at comforting people. Reacting in an appropriately positive way in a negative situation doesn't come naturally to me. My instinct is to react overly positive, most often resulting in my cracking jokes at inappopriate times. Until a few years ago, it was very hard for me to admit that fatness is not the only thing wrong with me. It was very hard for me to accept anyone's suggestions about anything, because that implied that something was wrong with me or my ideas. Because I had SUCH a BIG "in your face" flaw: obesity, I thought that I MUST strive to be perfect in every other single aspect of my life, to outweigh my big huge visible flaw. So it was a big thing for me to admit that I suck at comforting people, unless they are also comforted by music and laughter, like me.
Michelle told me that she's the exact same way. Then she says: "I think that I am this way because no one ever did it for me, you know? No one has ever really comforted me."
I can't explain what the Ah-Ha feels like. Maybe a little bit like, forgiving myself for sucking at comforting...