CrazyMrsNancy.com

Nablopomo Topic Request #1 - From the beautiful Mrs. Lukie : Do the "Realize" meme that has been floating around everyone's blogs as of late.

I've come to realize... that I've done this before!! Kind of.. When I saw this meme on everyone's blogs I thought : 1 - I've done this before (But I just re-read it and it's been tweaked and updated)  2 - Seeing the phrase "I've come to realize that" repeated over and over drives me nuts for some reason! But what wouldn't I do for my dear readers? 

You can find my realizations from TWO YEARS (I can't believe it's been that long!!) Here.  I can't believe that it's now two years later and I haven't lost more weight. That I've GAINED weight.

Here are my brand new 2009 realizations : 

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I LOVE: Me time. I need it on a regular basis. I need it often. If I don't have at least one weekend day without any plans, I get moody.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I SAY: more things on my blog that reveal the real me, than in real life. I often wonder if my family or other "real life" people in my life read my blog, and it scares terrifies me. But why? What's so wrong with the real me? 

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I AM: Weird. Broken.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I'VE LOST: My desire/obsession to keep my house sparking clean and organized. Right now, it's a disaster.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I HATE: that no matter how hard I try to help, some people in my life just aren't willing to do what it takes to better themselves and their situations. When am I going to stop trying to help others and start trying to help myself? 

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT MARRIAGE IS: Compromise. I can't imagine being married to someone you don't LOVE. Sometimes, compromising is so easy and the preferred option, just because you love making the person you love smile.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THE BEST: Is not always needed. Why do we always want the best of everything? To be the best at anything? What's so wrong with some mediocrity in our lives? 

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I'LL ALWAYS BE: Overly sensitive.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT LOVE: My husband to death.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THE LAST TIME I CRIED: Was Sunday night, when mom called to say that the oncologist wanted to see her sooner, to discuss her scan.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT, WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING: I always feel miserable. Always! I can't even imagine what it's like to wake up feeling rested and refreshed. I know that I always skimp on sleep, but even when I sleep in on the weekend, I still feel like shit when I wake up. When do I feel my best ? Normally around 2pm. You'll often find me wasting time at work in the mornings and reading blogs and drinking coffee, and then staying after 5PM because I'm in a groove.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT: I am extremely lucky that no matter how tired or grumpy he is, my husband will give me a 3/4 body massage each and every night before I fall asleep. From my neck to my knees. Then I flip over on my back, give him his back rub, and then I reflect on my day before flipping to my side and hugging my flat pillow to sleep.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT RIGHT NOW: It's 12h30pm and I didn't bring a lunch and I don't know what I want for lunch.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT BABIES: Aren't necessarily required for me to live a full life. (And this is a pretty recent realization.)

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I GET ON MYSPACE: About twice a year. The only reason I keep it is because I have a bunch of former Biggest Loser contestants on there, and I like to check up on them to see if they are keeping it off.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT TODAY: Is a chilly but pretty fall day.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT TONIGHT: Would be a great night to clean my disastrous house. I have been feeling icky all weekend and I'm finally starting to feel more calm inside. I hope I find some energy to clean.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT TOMORROW: There's a good chance that I'll complain that I couldn't find the will and energy to clean as much as I wanted to.

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I REALLY WANT: To know what it's like to not think about being fat, its consequences, calories, foods, cravings, tight spaces, reasonably priced clothes, stiletto heels, restaurant booths, comparing myself to others physical shapes as a self-worth gauge.... That I've been constantly thinking about those things, like an infinite loop in my mind, since I was 3 years old. (Okay maybe not the stilettos.) But I've never known what it was like to not think/worry about fatness every minute of every day. I've come to realize that I really want to look like a normal person. Even if it means having to defend my choice to some people. Even if people might think I "took the easy way out". I've come to realize that I really want - NEED - weight loss surgery.

My full day session at the hospital with : a small group of other WLS candidates, doctors, surgeon, psychologist, nutritionist, trainers, etc... is scheduled for November 17th. A whole, full day. I wonder if everyone else is wondering what the others are going to bring for lunch. Will I look like a hypocrite if I bring a whole wheat sandwich and an apple? (I know that most likely makes no sense to you if you're normal! Right?)